Compensating
by Bookaholic711
Summary: Iggy let's go of some of the rage inside and reflects on how being blind has changed everything. T for some heavy themes.


**Disclaimer: All characters and ideas belong to James Patterson. **

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I'm always left behind. Sure, the flock never thinks of me that way. They never even remember that I'm blind.

I'm never lucky enough to forget.

I live in darkness. Total and utter darkness, and not just literally. I'm not only blind to the world, but to my family as well. All the looks that pass between them, the conversations that take place in silence, those are hidden to me.

Maybe it would be easier if I hadn't always been blind. But I remember. I remember all too clearly what it's like to see, to know what's coming at you instead of guessing, to know someone smiled at your joke instead of him or her having to tell you. I remember it all.

My memories of sight are my most sacred keepsakes. I wouldn't give them up for anything, except getting my sight back. I hold them deep inside, no matter how outdated they are. Angel, the first time I ever saw her, a beautiful blond-hair baby. Gazzy's face as he imitated a whitecoat, his smile as the scientist got pissed. Nudge crying after running for hours, just out of reach of my arm. Fang, dark and silent, glaring up out of his cage, an expression of pure rage on his face. Max, tough as nails, wrapping her arms around the kids, her eyes looking straight at Fang and me, begging us for help. And myself. My nine-year old hands, reaching out to hold my family, grasping them, our fingers intertwined.

Yes, I remember it all. And I've never forgiven them for what they did to me. I've never forgiven them for everything I've missed. All the things I'll never do because I can't see. They owe all of that to me, and I'm not going to rest until they pay the price. I'm reminded every day of the debt I'm owed.

Every time Max says, "I'm rolling my eyes, Iggy," or Fang tells me to watch it, or Angel asks Nudge to read to her. Every time I have to ask Gazzy what color the wire I'm hold is, I'm reminded of a check I still have to cash. And I'm going to cash it if it's the last thing I do.

Because I shouldn't have been like this. I should be one of the leaders. Strong as Max and Fang, not left behind because I can't see. I should be included when they look at each other after assessing the situation. I should be able to take my turn at the front of the formation in flight, not left in second because I can't see if we're off course. I should be up there, making decisions about where to go, not hanging back with the younger kids.

I know they don't do it on purpose. But that doesn't change the fact that it happens. To Max and Fang, I may as well be one of the younger kids. To them, all I'm good for is cooking and long-range weaponry. I could be the same age as the Gasman for all it matters.

But to me, it isn't about blowing up the enemy. It's about making the bomb. It's about the precise art of putting the wires together. It's about throwing the small package, and then feeling the wind blow through my hair as it explodes. Knowing that I did that; that I just saved the Flock, that because of _me_, we can live a little longer.

It's that feeling that Max has all time, that she's living on the edge and everything she does is important. It's that feeling of being so alive.

It's about living everything I've lost, and compensating for all the things I'll never live.

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**AN: So what did you think? Did you like it? I wrote this one day when I was really bored and feeling super depressed. Well, anyway, I hope enjoyed it (or not, depending on how you want to look at it). I would be most honored if you would drop a review, but please don't just say it was amazing. Tell me _what_ you liked. Flames are most certainly welcome and CC is better than bacon (for all you Phoenix Fanatic readers). **

**Thanks for reading!**

**DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVEN'T READ FANG! Okay, did anyone else notice my ninjaness about Iggy wanting to see? Seriously, I wrote this before reading the book. And I gotta say, I'm done. Just done. With the series, I mean. Fang was the final straw. I stuck around through the preachyness of The Final Warning, the off-plotness of Max, but Fang was just too much. Between the overly mushy Fax, the fact that Fang is no longer silent, the lack or description, Max's shallowness (even more than usual), Dylan being a completely flat character, and JP using plots that he's already done, I'm just finished. I won't be reading anymore. Fang was my favorite character, and he's gone. Dylan has no personality, Angel's just become horrible, Nudge and the Gasman were like non-existent, and Iggy has lost all my respect. Plus the epilogue was cheese central. So here's a tip. If, like me, Fang disappointed you, go read Diary of a Lovesick Mutant, by Phoenix Fanatic, because honestly, it should replace Fang as book six.  
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